Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
