My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
