I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
please come you make the beer taste better
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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