I just made out with a guy for $7.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
