I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
