btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
