i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
