You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
