I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
