im about as happy as oj after his trial
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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