what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Damn victory sex feels great
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