Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
