Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
