My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
