too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
