i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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