Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
