you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
