Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
