I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
