Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
