i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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