He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize