I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
