I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
