you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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