there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
