I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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