Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
