did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I would ride that face into the sunset
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
