I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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