Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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