I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize