and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
