put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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