So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
