he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
