absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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