At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
