if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
