1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
