I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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