A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
