Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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