I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
