So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
