I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
