Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
