Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
