I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
