Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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