I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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