you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
