Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
