if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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