oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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