I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
