dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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