hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
