Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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