I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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