WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
this hospital has no fireball
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
