is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
