I think my vagina is haunted
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
