mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize