Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I supernannyed him into submission
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
