My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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