At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
