There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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