the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
