Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
