I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We have so much sex to catch up on
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
