I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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