I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
