hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
