cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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