Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
