I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
