dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I can text with my tongue
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
