i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
