god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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