My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
