dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
