You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
