Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
