Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
