mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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