Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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