i don't like sucking hair
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
