we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
