what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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