I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Jerry, you need to find god
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How does one acquire holy water?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize