I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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