The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
