There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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