Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
