wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
